As Sheila struggled out of bed at 4am she was convinced that this particular Saturday was the one to kill her! Her body ached from the grueling week she had, shuttling between work, her toddler, doctor visits, church mission, family get together and her farm in Ley tok. Her body whispered “sleep-in today”, her mind told her “the grocery won’t get itself”

The day was still young but felt spent already. She looked at the post-it notes on her dressing mirror; every last minute of the day was allocated! It was glaringly obvious that her life had become a seamless stream of activities. 

She finished getting ready, went to the window to draw the curtains and was glad the morning looked crisp and promising. Standing there, looking outside her window through expensive sheer curtains, she embodied the fallacy of a successful African woman.

She had a university education (THIS had evolved quite a bit from her grandmother’s time where grade 4 education was too much for a woman to have), had a job (never mind how much it paid or the elusive job satisfaction), was married (had children…well, had a child) and lived in the big city. And yet, with all this, she felt empty.

She took one last look at Dumelo, her husband, still sleeping peacefully, in a fetal position no less! All he needed was to have his thumb in his mouth and he would be a fetus. Nothing about him made her feel “at home” anymore. There was a time he occupied her every being, but that feeling she lost along with her first born child. She had no impetus to try and bring back the fire in their marriage. Not after all he had put her through four years ago when she was pregnant with their first baby. She bit her tongue to introduce a physical pain that could overshadow the emotional pain she was feeling. She wobbled to the dining room, gulped down a cup of tea with some mandazi Mariah had made. She was thankful to have this lady working for her, what with Brandon demanding for her attention, her busy schedule, and emotional turmoil, she would not have managed it all.

She sometimes thought about Maria, her house help, and the hardships she had to endure to keep her daughter in school. From an abusive marriage to homelessness, ethnic conflict that uprooted her from a town she called home to a town she was struggling to understand. At one point, Sheila being very frustrated in her marriage asked Mariah why she was always jolly yet her circumstances called for mopping and self-pity. Mariah, in her usual cheerful way told her “the worst is over, I am excited about what the future holds. Once my daughter clears her last year of campus, my life will change for the best. For now, I am happy I have a roof over my head and steady, reliable income to send my daughter to school”. Mariah hesitated and with a thoughtful look replacing her initial sunny expression she continued, “I am blessed mama Joe, I can never complain”.

“I am blessed…” these words still rung fresh in her ears. Blessed? Old. No car. No home. No husband. No parents. No fat bank account. Yet she calls herself blessed, Sheila wondered within herself. Sheila wanted to feel blessed, but the feeling of hopelessness was stronger. She did feel blessed at times whenever she looked at her ever-active two year old Brandon. He gave her meaning, he rooted her. He gave her bearing. Still the feeling of “blessed” paled in comparison to the emptiness she felt inside. And whenever it happened by, it was for a fleeting moment.

But, she must hand it to herself, she rode the “successful woman” wave quite well that even her village people no longer pestered her about her life choices. She loved her job save for that pesky boss who was hell bent on adding her to his list of conquests. She still did not know how she was going to handle it without losing her job. It gave her sleepless nights. At one point it gave her such nightmares where she dreamnt she was fighting him off, screaming his name in the hope that if she was to die in that situation, anyone within ear shot would know it was he who killed her. But these were only nightmares that left her sweaty, shook and frustrated. Dumelo once woke her up angry demanding to know why she was calling a man’s name in her sleep. She tried to explain herself, to no avail. She let it be. Had Dumelo been more supportive, she would have moved jobs, taken a pay cut, anything to get away from the situation. He wasn’t. And she needed a job since he stopped supporting her. She attributed her feeling of frustration and emptiness to him; she had traded her once adventurous fun-filled life for a routine-riddled one, initially to support him get back on his feet after he lost his job. They recovered but their marriage did not.

She sipped her tea allowing her eyes to trail the line of ants climbing up her wall clearly excited having found a source of sugar on her floor. Her eyes settled on the clock. She was jolted back to reality sending her scurrying for the door. She needed to get to the market fast and be back in time to drop the Brandon off at her mother’s for the weekend.

The chilly wind outside was a pleasant contrast to her stuffy house and a perfect reflection of her inner turmoil. As she meandered round a corner she met with Ti, her voluptuous neighbor strolling cheerfully towards her. Ti, oh Ti, her usual animated self-gave her a warm hug lamenting at how “lost” Sheila had been. While Ti chirped away at how life had dealt her a blow, Sheila could not help but notice what nice skin she had! She must not know what stress feels like she thought to herself. Ti was the epitome of success in Sheila’s eyes; educated, a fancy job at the Ministry of Commerce, drove an AUDI a8, worked out, and when she got back home, she had TIME TO HERSELF! She mentioned her thoughts to Ti in their usual neighborly banter, and Ti laughed it off. “I want YOUR life!” Ti shot back while nudging her with her elbow under the rib-cage. Had Ti been a little taller and stocky, that jab would have caused a cardiac arrest. But Ti was petite with round bottom, long natural hair, full lips and chocolate complexion. She could never hurt a fly with this type of composition.

She had caused many a fight among married women in this leafy suburb. But Ti swore she had been falsely accused of trying to ensnare the short stubby men. She had her eyes set on a bigger fish, the governor Mark. She was however quick to note that she “is very happy and does not need a man to complete her” a statement that made both of them burst into laughter. Sheila nodded towards the strange car parked outside Ti’s gate knowingly. “I am single not dead” Ti responded defiantly. Sheila would gladly swap positions if only to be as happy as Ti seems. She joked about Ti’s tiny waistline and how she would soon lose it to a baby. Ti laughed it off as they parted ways each walking their trajectory of being female in the African society.

Every day a woman in Africa wakes up, decks herself up for a war. A war that started decades ago with the advent of education. Education teaches her to want more from life, society that sends her to school demands that she settles for a few “key” things in life. She dares to dream she will win this war that keeps evolving, that keeps changing the rules of engagement in favor of the male species. She dares to secure her seat at the boardroom, but her boss demands that she “earns” her keep by being his play toy. She qualifies for that long-awaited promotion, but the board is unsure of her competence especially in her child bearing age.

Two hours later Sheila got back home exhausted from fighting her way through sweaty crowds, unscrupulous traders and targeted harassment on the streets to find an unhappy man perched precariously on the rail guard on the foyer. He gave her a long drawn disapproving look. Her disheveled hair, her lack of enthusiasm as she sauntered towards him to place a cold peck on his cheek, her trudge up the staircase, she looked twice her age.

She must have gone to meet him for breakfast. She is shameless, he thought to himself anger simmering at the pit of his stomach. Her suspicious promotion the previous week caught him off guard. She had been quite a mess the last 4 years, there was no way she was achieving anything at work. In fact, he expected her to be fired sooner rather than later. And then the boss started calling at all hours of the night. She would ignore the calls to her credit, but who knew what she would do when out of his sight and alone with him out there. He made a mental note to get his own back. And he knew just how to torment her.

He no longer fancied her as he did a few years back. They would be married 6 years in a few weeks’ time. But had been truly happy for the first 2 years of that marriage. After which, she got herself pregnant against their plans. Her excuse, the contraceptive failed. “Lies!” He retorted when she told him. The doctor confirmed it was contraception failure when he couldn’t find the IUD Coil string during examination. Still. He felt cheated into a role he was ill prepared for. He was not ready to give up the intimacy they had over a brood of children. He did not particularly like children, but he never mentioned it to Sheila for fear of losing her. He grew up in a family of 8 children. Eight freaking children! It was a hell hole! Everything he got he had to fight 4 older siblings and 3 younger ones sometimes to the disapproval of their exhausted parents. He wanted peace, he wanted to have a few years of just him and her. No obligations, no demands. Just sunlight, travels and good food. He wanted the volume in his head as a result of an over crowded childhood to go down a while before contemplating having children. Sheila on the other hand was an only child, she wanted a brood of children. He hadn’t realized just how much until she sneaked up on him with a pregnancy. He despised her.

She must have felt it. Women and their 6th sense. She had since she lost the baby, recoiled into herself, losing her shine to tears every night. He had wanted to console her but how would she learn to be careful next time. She should have used implants not a coil! He had heard stories about the coil. How it makes women infertile, interferes with intimacy, and he had duly warned her. But Sheila, she is as stubborn as a mule! “Let her cry”, his very supportive colleague Samantha advised. “She will get over it if you do not interfere”. He listened, and she too listened to his lamentations.

Samantha was the perfect woman; never argued with him, listened to him with a gleaming light in her eye. One could tell she really enjoyed his stories. Sheila. How did he ever settle for her? Regimented. Demanding. Unappreciative. Samantha could speak French too and it sounded very titillating. Had he married Sam, the boys in his village would have died of envy. They would have a rendezvous every now and then and it was magical!

He recalled that day four years ago when Samantha waltzed into his office wearing that tight, black mini dress that left little to the imagination. She had taken leave that day and he had wondered what she needed it for. In their numerous chats she never ever mentioned any of her social ties except her single mother back in the village. He liked it this way. Not crowded. But this sudden leave day, he wondered. She must have gone to see her boyfriend who had come back to town. He brushed the thought aside because it made him sick!

She looked very attractive. She perched delicately on his desk, and offered him something in a shiny blue box whispering “happy birthday”. He had completely forgotten about his birthday and he doubted Sheila had the mind to remember it, not after the sleepless night she gave him complaining of severe back ache. She was nine months pregnant and quite a handful! He had tried to be supportive but felt less obligated as his interest in Samantha grew. He dropped her off at the hospital for check up and sped off to the office. She had not gotten back to him since then. But then again, she had become quite distant after she found out about his interactions with Samantha.

He brushed the thought off his mind and focused on the moment, with Samantha. He could tell, the night was going to be very short. And it was. He was jolted up from his sleep by the phone ringing. Samantha slept peacefully beside him. He squinted to see who was calling as he tried to find his bearing. It was a landline. A man spoke on the other end. He was a doctor requiring him to come over to the hospital. His wife had been in prolonged labor and now the baby was in distress. He jumped out of bed and made his way to the hospital. Samantha was left trying to get him to sleep over until morning. They lost the baby.

He had not wanted children, but had been ill prepared for this news. He had gotten used to the idea of having a child in the house. He had made attempts at getting necessary supplies for the baby. But to see his son, motionless, unresponsive, cold like that gutted him. It destroyed Sheila. He swore he would never ever want to see her in this kind of pain ever again. He was going to straighten up and be there for her. That was 4 years ago. That was him reforming. But, that was also him being overly ambitious.

Sheila held a grudge. He could tell. He felt that she would get back at him for not being there in her moment of need contrary to their vows. And he now suspected, she was seeing her boss; he was tall, dark, handsome and very successful. He despised her for this. They had another baby after the first, but he was unsure of the paternity. His mother said Brandon, was the exact replica of him when he was young. He wanted to believe it, but jealousy held him back. He had made very little effort in getting to know his son.

As she let the warm shower water run down her spine, Sheila relived his cold attitude towards her. She cannot precisely point out when exactly the rain started beating them. But she suspected he is seeing someone else even after the ordeal they went through over 4 years ago. She was determined to ruin him and pay him back for his callousness.

She would soon come to collect her pound of flesh, she promised herself.

To be continued…


When Will I?

When will I ever learn
All my worry is a waste of time
When will I ever learn
Letting go brings peace of mind
When will I ever see
Things have a way of working out
When will I ever be free
Free from fear,free from doubt

Oh lord I pray to you
Gimme the faith to make it through

I see a lonely sparrow fly

And I wonder when will I

When will I ever know a
Peaceful feeling in my soul
When will I understand
God loves me the way I am

Oh lord I pray to you
Give me the faith to make it through

I see a lonely sparrow fly
And I wonder when will I
When will I

~Candi Staton~

Happy father’s day to my dad and the men who have taken up the mantle to be my dads

He was a man of integrity. He held me up when I was down…cultured me and ensured nothing on this earth would intimidate me. He watched over me like a hawk…he ser me free into the world but hovered close to take the hit for me whenever I faltered. He is my father. He taught me that the bible was fun and my friend. That I should love it when he bought me a christian book “young people ask”. He had style…my dad. And he wanted all good things for me and my siblings. When I had to go to high school, he did not by me those metal boxes, he bought me a fancy little luggage…I loved it. He swore by fancy watches for me. And later on, a fancy little phone when I had to report to campus.

He never lost an opportunity to tell me and my siblings that he loved us. He never lost an oportunity to tell the world that he had amazing kids. He valued us. And none of us was allowed mediocrity. He was a fair man. He lived a humble life…he always said he never has to look over his back because he has lived an honest life. And he did.

Peace and Security on a silver platter?

These callous, heinous acts will continue happening as long as we facilitate them by: opposing governments efforts to root out radicals; continue to harbour perpetrators amongst us in a “they” and “us” fashion; endorse these acts by pegging them on poverty. But then again lets do whatever floats our boats.

However,  If we, all Kenyans, required peace and tolerance, we would all be of one voice and trounced this insanity that is breaking our social ties; but since we are very pretentious lot, we will sit pretty and watch as terrorist reign free. We will endorse their acts as we are now, hiding behind labelling and insults on social media. The government is not the problem. It is the Kenyan in Kenya who refuses to share information out of loyalty that is the problem. It is the Kenyan who indulges in frivolous talk about “they” and “us” that is the tumour in this society. It is the Kenyan who refuses to think that is the problem, the Kenyan who follows without questioning. The government can never be everywhere all the time…that is why “Je Suis Charlie” and 911 happened. You are the government. The more killings become common place, the higher our tolerance gets for insecurity, the riskier it is for all of us no matter our religion, ethnicity, and economic status. Too many mono religious countries are at war… who suffers most….the religion or the people?? Too many poor countries are at war with themselves, who suffers….their rich or the society in totality? Too many wars have been waged but the bullets have struck not the war monger but the cheering crowds.

Stop being an enabler. Speak tolerance. Speak peace. Be the harmony you desire. Otherwise, keep mum and watch in horror as your words take form and when you are done watching turn to your smart phone and catch up with more pressing issues like “Kim Kardashian Breaks the Internet” or “European League”. After all, it is the governments job to ensure peace and stability.

Valentine’s Day…to do or not to do…that is the question

On a serious mission tonight – to figure out whether valentines is worth noting a decade later with babeye. Should I ignore the day since it’s history is “complicated” and I see very little connection with romantic love…what was that story again of St. Valentine…? and since I am adored all year round does the day make me feel extra special? How do I apportion upon this day feelings with “power foam” to make it better than the rest since I know on Sunday I will love him more than I do today…more than I will tomorrow. Remember he is already my Sibuor…my all fire…and the head of my home, I have seen him sacrifice for me and mine, seen him move mountains that I may know love in an advanced form. Fit don't lie

Am very blessed with the “whole” package that I need my own special way…and no number of the LRD (Little Red Dress), or even forever will be enough to show just how much I appreciate him. One day cannot hold all the feelings of love, gratitude, friendship and favor that I contain in me. So will I dorn red? I don’t know…maybe…maybe not. Will I throw a queen-sized fit if he does not give me chocolate…nope, he has given me his world. Will I want to hang out with babeye? Yes! But I feel this way all the time..and for the last decade. Likely for the next century and lifetime… nothing may change much. All said and done, in the spirit of financial prudence, I will be getting dolled up tomorrow and go to Kempiski as he had already paid the 2m and enjoy the presidential suite…until the housekeeper knocks on the door- check out time. Then I will get back to love as I know it…as i love it and celebrate it…with the people I love everyday.

To all the little Red Ridin’ Hoods (Coz you gonna be wearing Red, and you probably gonna be ridin” in the hoods out there…Enjoy Love…as you understand it!

Cést Moi!

The end of an Era, the begining of ever after

images“Here are a few important principles to remember with regard to the giving and receiving between males and females. When a male demands, a female reacts; she doesn’t respond. When a male gives, a female responds. When a male commits, a female submits. Nothing is more precious to a female than a committed male. Nothing is no more depressing to a female than an uncommitted male. Here’s the secret, guys: If you want a submitted female, be a committed male. It’s that simple. When a male abuses, a female refuses. Whenever a man abuses a woman, she refuses to respond. When a male shares, a female cares. If you find a man who is willing to share with the woman in his life, you will find a woman who is willing to care for her man. When a male leads, a female follows. When a man carries out his God-given responsibility for leadership, a woman responds by following his lead. Leadership does not mean being bossy, always telling others what to do. No, leadership means going ahead, not putting others in the front. Good leaders lead by example, not by decree. Jesus led by example, and so did Moses, Peter, Paul, and all the other great leaders in the Bible. Leading by example means doing ourselves the things we wish others to do.”
― Myles Munroe, The Purpose and Power of Love & Marriage

Such was his wisdom. A man grounded in God’s ways…filled to the brim, not by pride arrogance from all the wealth he possessed, but with the need to be right with God that beyond him he reached out to us. He indeed was a blessing.

He has gone to be with the Lord. A mixture of joy for his ascension to heaven, and a tinge of sadness as I had just begun studying his works which are indeed inspiring and checking. There is consolation when I think of his life as I “saw it” in his ministry…he can say “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2Timothy 4:7). Not many of us can live the life he lived and it is just as well for we each walk a designated path. However, we all have the opportunity to say “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”. May God rest his soul in eternal peace.

~Solid character will reflect itself in consistent behavior, while poor character will seek to hide behind deceptive words and actions~ Myles Munroe

Beauty is divine

On several occasions I have looked with obvious disapproval at articles in glossy magazines that have depicted women as nothing more than sexual objects whose sole purpose is to cater to the needs of men. I, being a believer of a ‘higher calling’ have felt deeply disappointed when i see young girls, as young as 10 years of age putting on make up in their young skin just to conform to the society’s dictates of what beauty is.

I have harbored resentment against the media and the society for levitating certain qualities as being the sole depiction of beauty. I therefore have lived a life of editing magazine articles in my head wishing that someone could have sort my opinion. Why, you may ask does it tag at me this much? Well, its solely because i am a woman and more so, a mother.

Recently, my family took a stroll at the beach to while away time as we had had a long and rigorous quarter. The beach was a sight to behold. Beauty abound in this breath taking 5 star beach front facility. After a long and leisurely afternoon, we decided it was time to call it a day. As we strolled past the hotel entrance, next to the spa area, i noted 2 parakeets chirping away in a cage.

parakeetsMy son thought it was awesome while i felt slightly disturbed by the sight. This reminded me of the many ways women are “caged” mentally, emotionally, psychologically, despite our talents, capacities and intelligence; so much so that we are unable to truly express our real selves. It remains fundamentally true that, if you cannot see yourself, you cannot help yourself. And many times, we are unable to see our selves because every day without fail, we wake up, take a look at the mirror at the stranger we see there and without a second thought, plaster on make up, weaves, spandex, tights etc to keep us hidden from ourselves and society and with a victorious smile embrace the more familiar image we see at the end of it all. This is the person we present to the world and know so intimately. caged beauty

We are surrounded every which way by dimensions, we as women should conform to and many are the times we are unable to reach those parameters. This therefore works to steal our attention from all that should matter to us as we monitor our mental alarm that ought to remind us to go and re-fresh our faces before it all melts off.

We chirp happily in our invisible cages, some self made others a construction of the society, oblivious of the limitations imposed upon us and our capacities. These cages feel like electric fences beyond which we cannot go. We glorify these in public and lament to our God in private.

The paradox of beauty is that it lies in the eyes of the beholder yet even the beholder is unaware of what to look for in beauty. The beholder is only able to see what we let them. The beholder, beholds a facade. It is a silent fight. A fight that has sent many to an early grave. A fight that has ripped families apart dredging a valley between spouses where once, in a time long gone, lay the serenity of love and appreciation. It sears an incurable ulcer in the mind of a teenage girl who forever will never know, for sure, looking at the mirror, whether or not she is beautiful. It baffles the sage who is constantly trying to come up with a definition of beauty that will embrace his mother, sisters and women who matter to him without disagreeing with the popular belief of what beauty is. It is a fight that forces the cosmetic giants to conjure lethal products every minute, to keep women in the fight. It ensures that we see what we believe we should be seeing. beholderWe refuse to open our inner eyes to see beauty as should be. We keep our expectations aligned with those of major industries and shove our women and girls further into the torrent that is the beauty industry. Where we meet resistance, we cyber bully, we fat shame, we give yet another make up kit, spangs and hair relaxer. Every time we hand these out, we lose a fight for ourselves, we shade a mascara tainted tear for the long hard years ahead of “measuring up”. We give away our moratorium to be beautiful just as we are meant to be.

roses in a cage

Beauty should take its truest form

Every time i have had the phrase “beauty and brains”, I remain hopeful. It is for this reason that i look forward to attending the “Miss tourism Narok County”. A county that is the home of the great Masai Mara National Park. This county indeed has what is beauty divine. From the varied kinds of wild animals to the top notch rest and relaxation facilities. The unrivaled serenity that is the envy of major towns in Kenya. This is where our view of  beauty will forever be challenged. The pageant could never have had a better purpose than that of illuminating the crown Jewel of the Narok county – the Masai Mara. Interestingly, the word “Mara” simply means, “patchy”, “dotted” landscape. It is therefore to me the most appropriate situation to ever happen to the beauty industry. To merge, our inner and physical inadequacies, our ‘spots’ with natures awesome gifts. The recognition of beauty that is divine. Beauty that seeks to empower those who need support most in the society, women and youth. I look forward to beauty being set free to embrace the form it takes. The word pageant simply means, “scene displayed on a stage”. Indeed, the day we will dissociate from pageantry, leaving it on a stage and walking home to ourselves, to the beauty around us, the beauty that is us, is the day we will find true beauty.

Pic credits:


Genesis: In my eyes

I thank God that I live my life as per His guidance and not by human standards. I have lived by this maxim for as a long as I can remember, it has served me well. I try to ensure I walk a believers’ path although occasionally I find myself taking my eyes off my spiritual vision, and, like Peter, I falter and begin to drown.

I am a staunch believer in using the manufucturer’s manual to operate a device, as such I also believe that for one to really get it right in life, they will need to refer to their makers manual. Of course, if you are the product of the “big bang”, you got your work cut out for you.

Recently, as I pored over my Bible my attention was drawn to the book of Genesis. I was astounded at how much information there was in this book that I had not noted before. I was enthralled by my reading and spent several hours poring over the chapters and making notes. I came up with several key points to note about life in general.

CAVEAT: This is my interpretation; I am digesting this every day to see if it remains sound.

Life and death:
According to the good book, God created day and night, then heaven and earth, solar system, sea creatures, creatures on land etc. Then God says “Let US create man in OUR own image; after OUR likeness.

Food for thought:
1)This got me thinking…as far as I know God has no form, He is a spirit often described in the Bible as a light, a burning bush, wind, terrifying sound etc. Later on in the story, there follows a little bit more detail about the creation of man; “and the Lord God FORMED man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breadth of life; and man became a living soul”. To me this is the point man got his physical body, and soul. The dictionary tells me that “form” is ” to develop, constitute, bring together parts to create”. Therefore, my conclusion; We have God’s spirit in us which is our our blue print, the part in us that makes us lean towards all that is good and pure; call it the ‘little voice in us’ etc. It is the part of us that connects to God. Cause it is in His own image. Later on in the story, God says, that “My spirit can not continue to dwell in man because his heart conceives evil’ and it was at this particular moment that God proclaimed that man will live for only 120 Year before God’s spirit departs from his body. Death sets in.

Man as the bread winner

Of importance is the sequence in which the creation took place…that after creating everything including man (Adam), God said that, ‘it is not good for man to be alone and He created and brought Eve to Adam (of course, before God said anything, Adam spoke saying ‘she is bones of my bones, flesh of my flesh‘. This trait still beleaguers men whenever they see a single lady, they jump at the opportunity to be identified with her).

In this section, we see God ensures man has, a home, has food and a job (naming animals), before He brings in a woman -to help man.

Maybe we have been going about this business of courtship all wrong. Maybe men need to sort their business out first, ensure they are stable, and can provide for a ‘helper’ before getting into a relationship thus avoiding being on #deadbeatKenya. You see most of these men, if asked, would tell you that “I was too young’, I was not ready’, ‘I did not have a job’ etc Maybe our elders had it right when they denied a man the hand of their daughter in marriage especially if the young man was not seen to have some way of taking care of a family.

Again, one may argue that today’s women are materialistic etc and can’t or will not marry; well…when Adam had all he had, God said “it is not good for man to be alone”. And amongst all the animals there was none suitable to be his mate; please leave the chicken, dogs, cows etc alone!

God set out to bless man right from the beginning; Our God is a God of bounty and abundance. God orders man to “Go forth and be;

1) fruitful, 2) Multiply, 3) Replenish the earth 4) Subdue it (the earth).

Food for thought
What caught my eyes in this section was that term “replenish”, which according to the online dictionary means “fill something up again”. What can man replenish on earth? The answer is anything that dwindles in quantity that was given to man. My thoughts are that, God saw Adam and Eve sinning long before they were, and anticipated death, and thus as part of the blessing required them to “replenish” that which reduced including man.
invest-2The term ‘subdue’ means ‘bring under control of by force’; this means that it was not going to be easy for Adam and Eve to just get quick results…they had to apply force at times to get results. So, even today, to get results, work hard, also invest.

Further on, the bible speaks of God planting in the Garden of Eden. In this Garden He planted two special trees; 1) the tree of life 2) the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The Bible says, “and the Lord commanded the MAN, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” Later on He made Adam sleep, as he made a woman, from Adam’S RIB. The bible states: “that is why a) a MAN leaves his father and mother and is UNITED to his wife, and they become one flesh”.

Food for thought
Adam was the one who received the instructions…woman was not yet in the picture. Likely, owing to the communication challenges that men today exhibit, this very important message was passed on to Eve in a ‘non-committal’ manner. Without conviction. This made Eve not stand firm in keeping these particular instructions. When one believes in something, they will do all they can to keep that something. When a woman senses lack of commitment in her husband, when she senses no leadership emanating from him, She will i) take up the leadership role without knowing. Once there is shift in roles, strife crops up.

Eve got convinced to eat the fruit; Moral of the story, Eve finds a leader in the serpent. Adam-Eve-2014Adam has forsaken his role to ‘go forth and multiply, replenish…subdue the earth’, Instead he takes up all other businesses leaving his house, wife/family un attended, someone else fills in that vacuum. There were complementary roles that were created as per God’s plan. Whether we like it or not, there will be a vacuum left behind when a role is not performed, ‘Nature abhors a vacuum’. When husband, wife, parents abscond duties…Someone/Something will fill that in. Most of the time, the results are unpleasant to both parties. They both suffer. Children suffer.

The one thing that human beings can be sure of is dying. God told Adam “…but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die...”. So, since they ate from that particular tree…death is certain.

Food for thought
What I am curious about is the tree of life…it was not proscribed until later when Adam and Eve ate of the tree of knowledge.

Once Adam and Eve had babies, sibling rivalry cropped up, and with deadly consequences. Later on we see Abram imploring his nephew Lot saying “let us not have quarreling between us for we are close relatives“. Moral of the story is that, disagreements in families are not always destructive but they should be contained in love and understanding.

The rivalry between Cain and Abel simmered. God spoke something that frees man of the dis-empowering notion that man cannot rule over sin; When Cain saw that God was better pleased by Abel’s offering he became angry and jealous. But God tasked him asking “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you MUST RULE OVER IT“. What does this scripture tell us?

When you do wrong and you suffer the repercussions, kindly understand that it is self-inflicted. No one to blame for it.responsibility1

That when you do something wrong, you may not be socially accepted either.
That sin, like a bounty hunter follows you around all the way to your doorstep. All you have to do is make a wrong choice and sin will “have you”
However, you have the power to rule over sin and get to do that which is right, desirable. No excuse. God says, “…BUT YOU MUST RULE OVER IT”. “MUST” is the word. Not, “should”, or ‘could”. Therefore we all have to be aware that sin will follow us as long as we do that which is wrong, it will ‘have us’. However, we must rule over it.

It remains clear that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Ivanka. It was from Cain’s lineage that polygamy crops up in the Bible when, Lamech, a 5th generation descendant of Cain marries 2 women (Adah and Zillah). polygamy03_bThe bible leaves Cain’s lineage at that in this particular book of genesis and pursues the lineage of Adam’s 3rd son Seth who becomes the forefather of Noah. We then see Abram being given a second ‘wife’ by his wife Sarai but strife between the two women crops up forcing Abram to leave Hagar (his maid servant turned wife) to Sarai’s mercy. This second ‘wife’ is not recognized as such by God as the angel of God continues to refer to her as the ‘slave of Sarai. The angel commands Hargar who had run away from Sarai’s mistreatment (endorsed by Abram) to “go back to your mistress and submit to her“. My interpretation…whatever the arrangement, polygamy, traditional, etc a MWK remains that even with a ring on her finger. Because God always has good intentions for the family unit even where there is strife, emotional turmoil, physical limitations etc. That the family made of two people, husband and wife be honored and the marriage bed kept pure. Further on we see King Solomon taking up more than one wife in contravention to God’s word. The wives succeed in turning his heart away from God.

sarai and 2 hubbySIn the same breath, polyandry is not how a marriage should be conducted.

Whenever God wanted to use man for His glory, He required total commitment: When God wanted to bless Abram, He commanded, “Go from your country, your people, your father’s household to the land I will show you“. Abraham Counting stars

Meaning leave everything that you may deem as important to you and commit to my vision for you. God values commitment to a given word. He can require anything from you so as to show your commitment to the same including; all that is familiar to you, including your social ties. He is saying, trust me to show you my vision

Abram had a beautiful wife, Sarai, and he was sure if the soldiers in Egypt know she is his wife, they might kill him. So he says to her “say you are my sister; so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.” Further on, the bible says “…the Egyptians saw that Sarai was very beautiful woman…He (Pharaoh) treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep, cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants and camels.”

God was unhappy with Pharaoh for taking Sarai as his wife; He punished Pharaoh and his household for this. God had a plan for Abram and Sarai and yet they were digressing from this plan. After being inflicted by a serious disease, Pharaoh summoned Abram demanding “what have you done to me? Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? …so that i took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and Go!”

Points to note:
1) Sarai was a beautiful woman, no man could resist her; fit to be wife to a king…but in the face of God’s wrath, the king chose God’s way over his own lust. This shows that men can make the choice to be right not to be weak.. It is not impossible for man to choose right over lust. We can now stop dis-empowering men by saying it is in their nature to cheat or rape etc.
2) God punished Pharaoh and his household despite the fact that Pharaoh did not know Sarai was a married woman:
– Lesson learn’t ‘ignorance is not an excuse
– Pharaoh sent her away despite her celebrated beauty. Man can make a choice.

God shows Abram land He is to give him and his descendants asking “what do you see? …all the land that you SEEvision1 I will give you and your offspring”. Meaning, whatever Abram laid his eyes on, it was his. Therefore, have a vision for your life, however big, God is able to provide. Know what you are working towards. It is not possible to ‘muddle through’ life aimlessly and expect success.
Again, God tells Abram who is too old to have children that “…I will give to you and your OFFSPRING”. God sees what man’s imagination cannot conceive.

As God works on delivering His promises to us he uses means that may not be clear to us or straight forward. E.g As Abram goes out to rescue his nephew Lot who had been captured by king Kedor Laomer and others, he ends up conquering them and consequently the promised land which they possessed. Abram might have thought he is only going to rescue his nephew and might not have anticipated conquering the promised land.
Moral of the story; While an event in our lives may seem too much to bear, too hard, too insignificant, the Lord might be using this as a building block to the “promised land” whatever your promised land is.

The book of Genesis was a fun book to read. I am soldiering on to the next.

To be continued….

Picture credit:;;;;

Time is Money: You are dreaming yours away

It’s official! You could have gotten that pending piece of work done today. You could have taken steps towards your dream career. You could have been well on your way towards that elusive promotion. But nope. You stood in your own way. You became your own stumbling block.

photo credit:

photo credit:

Why? According to a study by Harvard University, you spend 46.7% of your waking hours day dreaming. Yep! 46.7%!

Lets put it into perspective: 46.7% of 8(official working) hours is 3 hrs and 42 min. Assuming you sleep at least 7 hrs in a night…that leaves you with 17 Hours. Assuming you work 8 (as illustrated above) of the 17 hours, that leaves you with 9 hours. Therefore 46.7% of 9 hours is 4 hours 12 mins, added to the initial 3 hrs and 42 mins, we spent a whooping 7 hrs 54 mins day dreaming. Almost 8 Hours!!

Do you know what you can do with 8 extra hours?

  1. You can get a second job

  2. You can start and run a favorable business

  3. Write a book

  4. Or you can just day dream it away and complain there aren’t enough hours in a day to get the job done. stock-photo-executive-sleeping-in-his-work-time-dreaming-with-money-going-away-75033358

It takes a village and one to birth that dream

Growing up, I wanted many things, mostly those which were out of reach for me. I was a girl child growing up in an era where ‘marie’ the doll was all our mamas could afford. An era where the entire lot of children in the neighborhood shared one bike (which definitely made the owner some sort of celebrity). I grew up in an era where we, the children in the neighborhood, found it absolutely necessary to show off our new clothes and new toys because it gave us status. And this happened once or twice a year. It was also an era where girl child education was not high on the government’s agenda but was slowly snaking it’s way there.

I quickly learnt that nothing good came without putting in some work. We did not have the slogan ‘work smart’ then. I was never going to be the child who came out with new clothes everyday,or new toys every school holiday. That if I did not ‘snap out of it’ I was not going. Full stop. And so I knew like everybody else I had to work extra hard to outshine the boys in education so I could have a chance to get jobs that were ‘mean’t for men’. I knew it was going to be an uphill task but i also knew life did not make any exceptions for me (We did not have the affirmative action or it was not strongly implemented), if it was, it targeted girls in the rural set up. However, despite the obstacles I had confidence. And I knew I had many brilliant role models to learn from in my family, and neighborhood. I knew, if they could do it, so could I. So I made up my mind to be everything I could be. I had a push from my dad.

My dad, God bless him, made sure that he fanned that tiny spark of determination I had by telling me, ‘you are in charge of your destiny, if you do not make it in life…it is because you did not want to make it. Whenever you will need a helping hand in life, Anzazi, be assured, you will find one at the end of your arm’. He did not mince his words nor made false promises about what needed to be done to be successful. I understood pretty early that life did not stop to sympathize with those who had fallen off the society’s trajectory of success. Life simply grinded on leaving the victim of childhood decisions and hormones to the mercy of the village gossip and randy old men.

And thus, by the age of 8 years, I knew I had to fight very hard to get to where I dreamn’t of being. I also knew, the tiny hand at the end of my arm would need a bigger one to help me make giant leaps into my desired future. This is how I discovered that indeed there is a God I can pray to when down, reach out to when I needed to make the proverbial giant leap in life and a mighty power that could shield me from an enemy’s onslaught. Thus begun my relationship with God and prayers. Thus begun my focus on success.

Thinking about it, I became an adult rather quickly and it was not by turning eighteen. In fact, I remember the day I became an adult. I was in class 8, when, as I was crossing the road headed home, a certain stranger came towards me and in a mocking manner asked me why I was still in school when I should have been cooking for my husband? I was not irritated by this, but the incident lingered in my head for a very long time. It reaffirmed my belief that, should I slip, the society and it’s negative cultural practices in relation to girls would be right there to catch me and tuck me away into oblivion.

However, unlike many girls my age, I had wonderful role female models in my family and neighborhood who had transcended societies limited expectations of them and were strong pillars of wisdom and success. Leading the group, one Jessica Ongecha. In her I see an Amazon both in stature and character and I would have been lost without her able hand guiding me towards my dreams.

Long story short, I am now a woman I would have loved to be when I was a child. I still face situations that force me to stop in my tracks and assess my goals, I still worry about things that are dear to me, I sometimes feel like I need to hide from life’s realities. But, I remember the great women, the veterans who walked that path before me and I wipe the sweat off my brow and soldier on. I put on a bright smile because I know I am blessed, I have great women who stand by me ushering me on, applauding my every success and most of all, I rest easy knowing that I have God who watches over me and has only the best laid out plans…Just for me.

sipping tea2As I sit sipping my lemon tea musing at how my life’s journey has been, and  where I am heading, I know It is well.


Special dedication to women after my own heart:

Jessica Ongecha, Mildred Omusule (RIP Grand mama), Mupa Udzile, Mrs. Nyariki, JJ,June Mupa and JLi. Cheers ladies!

N/B This is not to say I did not have wonderful men like my daddy guiding my path, this is to say…today I choose to mention the women.

~I am who I am because of Who God is~